Small Talk in Our Cultures

🤔 Would you talk about politics with someone you just met?
🤔 Would you consider complimenting a colleague on their beautiful hair?
🤔 If you wanted to build a more trusting professional relationship, would you start by asking about someone’s family’s health?

How we use small talk and what topics we think are acceptable varies across cultures. The way we build professional trust in different cultures also varies.

Some cultures build professional trust primarily via relationships - long dinners, drinking, and social talk are essential to work success.

Other cultures build professional trust via competence and therefore eschew personal topics in work conversations.

In his book, Bridge the Culture Gaps, Robert Gibson asks you to analyse your views on acceptable small talk. Here is a list of possible conversation topics and a list of people. Which topics are acceptable for which people? Which topics are unacceptable for which people?

🤝 Topics: weather, sport, family, politics, religion, salary, feelings, sex, illness, death

🤝 People: colleague, manager, customer, supplier, friend, partner, parent

Those from North America and Northern Europe typically don’t rely on social small talk or relationship building as much in professional settings.

On the other hand, those from Asia, the Middle East, South America, and Southern Europe typically use relationship building and personal small talk to build trust.

We see this in our own partnership. Flora is from a culture where trust is relationship-based. In a professional setting, she will often compliment someone’s outfit or ask a personal question about health or family. Sarah, on the other hand, prefers small talk about the weather or what work projects you’ve been working on - those are less personal topics.

Regardless of topic, the purpose of small talk, or phatic communication, is for “a social rather than an informative function. The message is not really about the weather but a signal that the communication channel is open” (Gibson, p 89).

Erin Meyer, in her book The Culture Map, suggests that it’s wise to invest extra time developing a relationship-based approach regardless of your background or that of the other person. Then “once an affective relationship is established, the forgiveness for any cultural missteps you make comes a lot easier” (p 178).

📌 What is your preferred small talk topic?
📌 How do you use small talk to build trust?

Join the conversation on Linkedin!