Diffusing Challenging Conversations

Here are some insights from OFS leaders after ninety minutes thinking about challenging conversations:

🍱 Shared values give us something in common to focus on.
--It’s hard to be combative when we realise we want the same thing.
--Pupil progress, student wellbeing, an ideal school culture, or a shared love of a peaceful lunchtime: Are we able to say what we agree about?

🍱 Letting the other person know you heard.
--Saying things that prove you’ve listened and understood make the most difference. Not just nods, which can get lost in a stressful situation.
--“Am I hearing that your value here is…?”
--“I think you’re saying…. Did I get that right?”

🍱 Using neutral language helps prevent both sides from being hurt and dismissive.
--We can do some contracting at the start. “Would it be helpful to agree in advance how we want to approach this conversation? I think we want to avoid blaming and try to talk about facts and the impact they are having. What do you think?”
--“When you… I noticed…. A potential impact I’m worried about is…. Can we talk about that?”

🍱 Being prepared is key to having a challenging conversation.
--Take time to process your own emotions beforehand so that you can diffuse them in advance.
--Plan your priority communication. If you can get nothing else said but one thing, what is it? Practice that sentence in advance.

🍱 What would you add? What has worked for you to diffuse a challenging conversation?

The sticky notes in the picture are from our Challenging Conversations workshop hosted this week at Overseas Family School. Thanks to Neisha Pratt and Richard Petherick OLY for organsing workshops with the middle leaders, investing in their professional development. The leaders were so reflective and thoughtful and it was an exciting morning spent with them.

Resources about challenging conversations:
📕Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg
📕Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg
📕Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott